Panic

Getting older freaks me out. When I think about the fact that I'm nearing thirty, my throat gets tight and my breathing quickens. What is it about aging that gets me so worked up? Is it that I feel I haven't really lived yet? I wouldn't think so. I'm happy with where I am in life. I'm a mother to an incredible child. I'm involved in my community. I have a lot of love to give to the people around me. Maybe it's that I feel I had to grow up too fast? I got married very young. I don't regret marrying Ryan, not one bit. I truly wouldn't change that for the world. I do feel that I had to be responsible too early on in my youth. I never went through that carefree, spontaneous stage that most kids get to experience. I feel a little regret there. I get so hung up on nostalgia because of this. In reality, my teenage years weren't that amazing, but my mind has warped them into something they're not. In my memory, they're almost dream-like. It's crazy. I really do need to figure out how to move on from this. It definitely holds me back from looking forward to growing older. Yes, I became "adult-like" very early on. Yes, I missed out on some things because of this. But I also probably avoided a lot of heartache as well. I am aging, but I am not old. There's still a lot of life ahead.