A Little Perspective

I realize this blog has been entirely neglected lately, and it's about time I started writing again. A lot has happened since my last post. Mainly the fact that I've become a mother to the sweetest, cutest, smartest little boy on the planet. He has given my life a whole new meaning and has helped me grow in more ways than one. I look forward to waking up every day just to see his precious, gap-toothed smile looking up at me. He is my purpose right now.

It's taken a lot to get me to this point in my life. Let me paint you a picture. I haven't taken the typical "young person's" route during my late teens/twenties. If you'd given me a glimpse into my future at age 18, I'd be shocked at my journey up to this point. Some things I'd change, but most I wouldn't. This is what 18-yr-old me would have seen: I didn't go directly to a university after high school. I actually didn't go to one at all. No degree. I dropped out of community college at least 3 times. I would have had my heart broken by someone who didn't deserve it in the first place. Shortly after, I'd meet a wonderful man (boy, really) and would get married before I could legally drink. Barely making it from paycheck to pay check, we'd have to cut corners (and bills) wherever we could. We would move into a critter-infested apartment only to purchase our "dream home" (double-wide trailer) a few short years later. I'm only writing this to put the overly-used phrase "don't judge a book by its cover" in a whole new light. Think twice before putting a label on anyone. I know I do.

After becoming slightly more self-sufficient financially, we moved into a nice little townhouse and put our thoughts towards starting a family. I got pregnant fairly quickly, only to lose the baby five months into the pregnancy. The five days we spent in the hospital trying to hold on to hope that the baby would live was the most trying time of my life thus far. I can't even describe what it took mentally to keep that hope going. It's all we had. I gave birth to Eli James McHugh on December 5th, 2008. I watched his tiny little foot move once and then no more. In death, both Ryan and I got to hold the little boy we would never get to know. The only tangible things we have now of Eli are photos and a grave site. This, and also the many complications of my pregnancy with Jackson, gave me extreme anxiety which I'm still dealing with today. It was the finger on the trigger to what already was an underlying problem. Day by day, I'm dealing with it.

The events in my adult life have truly given me a whole new perspective on life. First, be open with people. Don't judge them. Life really is all about love and relationships, and I want my heart to be my legacy. I want people to know that they can come to me, and that I'll honestly care. Because I will. I have a lot of love to give, and I can't wait to find an outlet for it to be put to use.

Second, stop complaining. I see so many people openly complaining about such trivial little things. Be happy you're alive. Be happy you still have time to change what you don't like about your life. Be positive. Stress causes too many problems, both mentally and physically. It's not worth it. Plus, it gives you wrinkles..come on now.

Third, look outside of yourself. Another point to my candidness is to open up your eyes to the fact that everyone has a story. Your angry co-worker could be going through depression. The person who just cut you off on the road could have just lost someone close to them. The rude cashier could be dealing with loneliness. Whatever the case may be. Again, life is about relationships. And love. Give it freely to strangers. You'll be surprised at the results.

I'm a far cry from perfect. Thank God for that. Please forgive my next statement, for it's really cheesy. "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." I don't have to be perfect to make a difference in this world. I'm not where I want to be yet in life, but I'll get there. Do I have regrets? Of course! Anyone who says they don't is lying to themselves. Thank God we're all in it together.

I love you all, truthfully.

Here's to being a better blogger!

-Rachel

p.s.-I'm not proof-reading! Hmmph!